E26: Why Did I Walk Away Instead of Changing It

I am constantly asked why I walked away from my 7 figure business rather than making it better.

So in this episode I dive into this a bit more and I share some top tips to help you not make the same mistakes.

Today's episode is sponsored by Debbie Hancock

Is your business holding you back from living the life you dreamed of? Let's turn that around. Debbie's 90-minute strategy call provides personalised financial guidance, using proven strategies and a tailored approach. She will support you to:

• Understand your financial situation 
• Identify areas for improvement
• Create a clear plan
• Understand what stories may be holding you back
• Give you the tools to move forward

Visit https://link.leaddec.com/widget/bookings/financiallyfitbooster to book your session today.

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Transcript

Hello & welcome to Dream Business Dream Life, helping ambitious people, like you, to grow a business they love.

 I’m Emma Hine and I’m on a mission to show you that it is possible to grow a business without sacrificing your life.

Having experienced the rollercoaster of making millions of pounds, but feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and totally unsuccessful, I know first-hand the importance of growing a business on your terms.

On this podcast I'm going to share with you lots of tips and advice that will enable you to grow a business that gives you the financial freedom to live the life of your dreams while sharing with you some inspirational growth stories from other fabulous business owners.

Ready to live the dream? Then let’s get stuck in…

Today's episode is sponsored by Debbie Hancock, Chartered Management Accountant and Financial Coach 

Is your business holding you back from living the life you dreamed of? Let's turn that around. Debbie's offers a 90-minute strategy call that provides personalised financial guidance, using proven strategies and a tailored approach. She will support you to:

• Understand your financial situation 
• Identify areas for improvement
• Create a clear plan
• Understand what stories may be holding you back
• Give you the tools to move forward

Pop into the show notes to book your call.

Hello & Welcome to today’s episode of Dream Business Dream Life. 

I am constantly being asked why I walked away from my ecommerce business, why I didn’t work my magic and change it so it was no longer a monster that drained the life out of me.

I get it, after all I help other people to do just that, to make changes to their business so that they can fall in love with it all over again.

My reason…I was done…I had no fight left in me and I could not see an alternative so today I thought I would dive into this a little more as I have never really expanded on it much and I figured if people keep asking then they must want to know more.

So yes, this will be the first time I have opened up about some of this stuff so buckle up buttercup as I have no idea where this will go.

Back in December 2009 I sat at the hospital bedside of my youngest daughter for 16 days feeling totally guilty and totally worthless. 

My guilt came from not being able to go to work to help with the crazy, and it was very crazy, Christmas rush.  It also came from the fact that I was thinking about work when all that should have mattered right then was Emily.

My worthlessness came from the fact that I could not make my daughter better, I could not take away her pain, but it also came from the fact that I could not help at work…instead of being there, me the strong one, that kept all the pieces moving I was totally worthless…no help to anyone.  

Deep down I knew right then that the business was not doing the one thing I wanted it to do when I launched it back in 2006…it was not giving me more freedom, it was the biggest ball and chain ever 

But as soon as Emily was well enough and back at school the old routine kicked back in…working long hours, putting work first and me pretending everything was perfect.

If you have read my book or listened to the episode where I share my story you know what happens next so I not going to go through the whole thing again, instead I am just going to pick out some key points that will help me to explain why I walked away.

The reality was I was more afraid of what would happen if I admitted I was not happy than I was of keeping up the pretence.

I was comfortable pretending I was ok. 

I was afraid to change.

So it’s now 2016 and I’m kind of slowly starting to turn a corner in terms of my mental health; I can finally see some of the things my life is missing more clearly, one of which was people.

The only people I saw were my hubby, my girls and my team at work. 

The problem was not these people, the problem was the conversations were all the same…they were all work and when they weren’t they still were really. They were about how I could fit anything in at home around work or about how I couldn’t do something because of work or about when we could go away to minimise the work I had to do whilst we were away 

At this point I made a decision that was looking back was probably the final nail in the coffin…I decided to open a shop.

My reason for opening the shop was not the right reason. I opened it so I could see people, people that didn’t want to talk to me about stock, warehousing, pricing, finances, websites or anything else ecommerce for that matter. 

Just people that wanted to tell me what they had for dinner and to talk balloons and parties with me. People that did not give a hoot about what was going on behind the shop door…the shop was next to the warehouse by the way so the ecommerce stuff was going on behind that door.

I loved the shop in so many ways and I loved my customers but it was hard work, it made money but it also meant I took my foot off the ball with the ecommerce business so that lost more money than the shop made so strategically it was a bad decision and personally it meant I had another job to do; another tie, another to do list and yep more staff and more stock to manage. So personally, it was a bad decision too.

I had money coming in but my desperation to be happy resulted in me spending it as quickly, if not quicker than it came in. So, cash flow became a problem for the first time ever; another stress to add to my list.

At the end of 2019 we decided it was time to downsize the ecommerce business a little and I also decided it was time to consider closing the shop. 

I knew that downsizing the business meant I had to get a handle on my spending too and I actually felt relieved by that as the stuff I was buying was all for the sakes of it.

It was about what it looked like externally more than it was about what I really wanted in my life 

In one year I bought a villa in Spain, a top of the range Mercedes, paid for a lovely wedding abroad, my wedding, a new kitchen, as well as a 5 star trip to NYC and several other ridiculously un-needed things.

It was out of control. 

We closed the shop in January 2020, but little did we know covid was about to land in the UK and downsizing the ecommerce business become a pipeline dream once again…

We got swept away with the endless orders, the crazy amounts of stock coming in and out and the thrill of seeing the money coming rolling in.

Fast forward to Christmas and enough was enough, the decision was to close 75% of the business by reducing the suppliers we dealt with.

We just wanted to make enough money to see us through for another 9 years; then we would retire, head off to Spain regularly, have fun with the grandkids and live happily ever after.

This was the first time I made a strategic decision that made sense, yes it was a bit of a knee jerk decision but it still felt right.

In 2020 the business turned over around 1.2 millon pounds, I worked every single day from mid-January right through to December 24th; I ate at my desk when I remembered, I mauled huge boxes of stock in and out of the warehouse, I begged suppliers for more stock and I worked until I was so tired I couldn’t even talk or put one foot in front of the other.

The kids and the grandkids would pop in to say hello as there was no way they would see us otherwise, my youngest moved in with her boyfriend as she was lonely at home.

I felt all those feelings I felt back in 2010 when Emily was in hospital, worthless and guilty.

What good was all this money coming in?

I hated 2020….but for a very different reason to most.

The year flew by looking back but in the moment, it was such a long year, a year I hated with a passion.

I was exhausted…physically and mentally.

 I had no fight left in me…I just needed it all to go away and I realised that I could make it go away.

So we came into 2021 and implemented this new plan really quickly; I am an action taker and when a decision is made I act fast.

I was for once in my life excited that things were going to change and in March 2021, we self-fulfilled our last order; the remaining 25% we outsourced to FBA; which is fulfilled by Amazon.

But I realised quite quickly that 25% was still too much; I was so mentally scared by the business that I needed it gone; but gone meant no income so it was scary.

Gradually this 25% dropped to 20% then 15% and in March 2023 when Becky got her cancer diagnosis we just stopped completely 

We are now in November 2024 and the business is still not completely closed; it is like that annoying sniffle that just won’t go away, but we are so close now; just one final thing to sort.

So going back to the original question, I hated the business so much, I simply didn’t want to try and find a way to make it work…I wanted it closed, and no amount of money made it worth even trying.

I had left it too late…what I should have done is made the changes many, many years ago and I should have bought in someone to help me, someone who was not so mentally scarred by the business, someone who could see beyond the stress, work and pure exhaustion the business had given me for way too many years…someone who could see the possibilities for the business because frankly I no longer did.  

I just saw something that had worn me to the ground, ripped my life apart and prevented me from having the one thing I really wanted…freedom. I saw a business that controlled me, a business that was not what I wanted.

When we lost Becky last year, I cannot even begin to tell you the guilt I had for not being present enough for her; not during her illness, I was totally present for that but before that, for the years I was too focussed on my business, for the years I should have been making memories not money. 

But of course, I cannot change the past and that guilt is something I have to work through, something I have to learn to live with but the reality is I walked away because I left it too late and for me walking away was the only decision but it was also the RIGHT decision.

Now let’s flick this on its head for a minute. 

If you are feeling like your business is taking over your life; if you are feeling like you are falling out of love with the excitement of your business, then now is the time to make the changes. 

Don’t assume it will get better, it won’t unless you make it better.

If you are chasing financial milestones without a purpose, then ask yourself why…what is the money for? Will it make you happy? If not stop chasing the money and start chasing the happiness.

I love money but I am not prepared to give up my life for money anymore, I want money to do the things I want to do, when I want to do them and that means being strategic with what I want and why. It also means being strategic with how I earn it.

Yes, we have to work hard at times but that does not mean we have to sacrifice everything for it…especially our happiness.

So, my question to you is…What do you really want and what are you prepared to sacrifice to get it?

Don’t do an Emma, don’t leave it too late to love your business.

Start right now…and get clear on what you want and why you want it and then get intentional with what you do.

And the final point is to make sure you listen to those gut instincts, those niggles that tell you something is not quite right…as those niggles soon take control of you and your business.

Be happy, be in control and most importantly get intentional with what you want.

Thank you for listening; see you next time…

You have been listening to Dream Business Dream Life with Emma Hine. If you want to know more about how I can help you to build your dream business and your dream life, then visit my website emmehine.co.uk. Until next time remember you really can have it all